[Parent-child parenting] The second child should pay special attention to the boss
With our second child, the three-child policy is fully released, many parents are considering whether they will add a brother or sister. However, more than one child does not only mean more than one birth, parent’s raising method, the grasp of the balance of love, will affect the child’s mental health. The second child family is easy to ignore the demand for the boss. The family environment factors have played an important role in the psychological health of the child. Many families have been psychological problems due to ignore, and even extreme behavior, resulting in extreme behavior Tragedy happened. Liu Yuxin, deputy director of the Sixth Hospital of Peking University, pointed out in an interview with Chinese Youth Daily, Zhongqing Net reporter, decided to raise the parents of the second child, and pay special attention to the mental health of the boss. Although every parent wants his child to grow up healthily, think that he gives every child is the same love, but in reality, parents tend to make things hurt in the unfortunate. I didn’t realize myself. Liu Yuxin saw that in the second child, the most prone to problems is that parents have neglected the demand for boss.
Prior to the arrival of a new baby, many parents no adequate communication with the boss, after the new baby comes, the boss usually produce a sense of loss, before they can feel exclusive family of love, and now new brother or your sister, mom and Dad love is gone, the family also got all the attention.
In this case, some children will be retrograde behavior. For example, a child could have a separate toilet, separate eating, independent clothes, after a new baby is born, suddenly lost the original learn life skills, become nothing will, began to wet the bed like a baby, like, wet his pants, not on their own to eat, clothes to wear. Liu Yu Xin explained that the child has degenerative behavior actually is because the heart was being neglected and left out of the family, in order to attract the attention of parents, and it will become like a baby, like, nothing, hoping to regain the family’s attention .
Some children become cranky, even taking advantage of the adults are away, secretly bully baby. These tantrums and bullying in fact, because the baby feels wronged themselves, do not know how to express and vent. Liu Yu Xin told reporters that the one-child family children, had enjoyed at home alone all love from adults, occurs when a second child at home, tend to feel uncomfortable, the process requires a psychological change. Must first fully communicate with the child when preparing to have two children. "When a family ready to have a second child, we must advance to fully communicate with the child.
"Liu Yu Xin said," needs to communicate slowly, little by little conduct, not just talk about a word on the matter. It is run through a long process before the new baby is born and after birth. "She suggested, began to educate the children at home and slowly infiltrate from my mother pregnant with the new baby, let him know the family will be more a brother or sister would accompany their play together, this is a very happy matter.
And try to make the boss brother or sister involved in the birth process. If conditions permit, the mother at the time of check-ups, you can take the kids along and let him see through B-babies heart beat, let him feel a little life is slowly growing, thereby increasing and this new life feelings.
Also, before the birth of the newborn, parents can instill in their children should do a good brother or sister of a good idea, and should teach their children how to do it. After the new baby is born, parents should pay more attention to the boss as much as possible.
Liu Yu Xin noted in particular that the second child is born, parents and adults at home is easy to unintentionally neglected boss, in fact, during this period, older children need to feel more love and attention, they are not to lose a sense of security, but also be able and a new baby to love each other. Parents should be after the new baby is born, the older children often give hugs, demand for them is to give timely feedback in the process to take care of a baby also allow older children to participate fully in them, so he derive a sense of accomplishment, to make him feel " I grew up, I not only can take care of yourself, you can also take care of younger siblings, "which children can develop large strong and independent personality, made him more responsible.
Friends and family to visit a new baby in the door, and do not forget to prepare a gift for the older children, do not let the older children feel they have been ignored. Families with many children’s parents must be "equal justice" Liu Yu Xin’s thought that the competition between children, will inevitably occur in families with many children. Both will compete for parental attention between children will compete for family resources, how to make children "love" rather than "kill one," it is a test of parental rearing styles.
Families with many children’s parents must be fair manner, "equal justice" can not have a preference for a child.
In reality, we often hear parents say to the children at home, "You are my brother, should set an example," "You are my sister, brother and sister should make a" similar words, this is actually very unfair for older children, let older children feel wronged, feel that their rights are denied and love, it makes children feel spoiled for granted. It is neither conducive to friendly coexistence of two children, is not conducive to children’s growth, especially when children make into the community, because people do not always follow your own feeling frustrated.
Attention should be given to the different ways children according to their characteristics should be noted that, fair treatment does not mean that every child will copy the same education to every child who, but should be based on their own characteristics, the children are given different attention way. Liu Yu Xin pointed out that, although born in the same family, but each child has its own characteristics.
Parents need to understand each child’s innate temperament characteristics, attention and education for the way his temperament characteristics, can not deny the child’s nature, it requires that each child are exactly the same, or blindly ask for a child to learn another child to another child as an example. In Liu Yu Xin view, the traditional Chinese culture advocates of "seniority" can be said that many children family education "magic." Parents can instill in children the concept of "seniority" and establish the authority of the older children, older children can make both feel concern and respect, can make older children more responsible, more willing to take care of his brother or sister, always made set an example, and can derive a sense of value, but also to let children know how to respect the older children, know how to Thanksgiving, let two children love each other more.
(Reporter Xia Jin).